Illuminating the shadow

XI-Lust-RoM-version

Yellow Cosmic Sun day and the last day in this star wavespell. How are you feeling today? That is the most important question of all if we are truly living from the heart instead of being led by the head.

The energy of this mayan sign is all about questioning the intelligence so we can be in our heart wisdom.

Letting go of being ruled by the limited linear mind and training and transforming our inner dog so it leads us to maturity and love.

We are always going to be bounding off into the shady woods to learn and digress and go round and round for a while as the path is a spiral……

Do we choose to reign in our temper tanting child or live forever in the world of it’s making…..?

Today I have learned of two people dying and I feel this can be such a cosmic nudge to remember ,that although we are infinite beings we have a finite life as this person and what is really important often gets lost in the mundane trivia that our mind likes to wallow in as a way of avoiding total emotional immersion.

I see it every day in Glastonbury where people weave a fantasy land to live in to avoid facing their sadness at a life that has created realities they didn’t want.

What most people don’t realise is that in any moment this can be transformed into the life of their dreams….but only if they get real.

In writing these blogs it is my intention to raise awareness of the emotional evolution we are in, as through my own personal life journey I know this is a truth.

Whether you believe it or share it  as your truth….is of course your personal road trip.

For me I will do whatever it takes to open my heart and live from love and that has involved a close encounter with my shadow side every day for years. There are no short cuts and no skipping over and sidestepping the painful parts of our lives because that is what we are here for to live the darkness in order to reveal the light.

Let’s hear it for the shadow 🙂 Chatting with several people in the past few weeks it seems we have a circle of consensus…..time to let go of biting our tongue when we smell a bullpoo reframe and manipulation…. and we all recognise it  🙂 This year let’s create workshops, opportunities and frameworks to raise reality awareness and in the process we are creating the potentiality of intimate open hearted relationships. Rip off the corsets of repressing our true selves and hold the love space of taking whatever goes with that. It can feel uncomfortable simply because it is new ground.

Everyone knows what their stuff is. We all know what has hurt and what we don’t like about ourselves and our shadow always took shape in our childhood. It isn’t rocket science. It is the same for everyone although we each have our own unique experience. There is no need to come up with elaborate structures or methodologies to release this as all our shadow seeks is to be heard , loved and accepted. To come in from the cold and feel the warmth of inclusion. This is the integration process.

Very simply it’s about love and when we see it we know it. We know when someone is in an open heart space.

The myth of any need to manipulate someone is starting to fray at the edges because people have been around long enough to be on the receiving end of that abusive behaviour. Manipulate ~ lie basically.

Over millenia we have created amazing methodology to explore this shadow side and each generation has evolved and shared insights into our psyche. There isn’t really anything new under the sun only a slight twist to technique.

The key answer I have found is to simply let the emotion out and feel ok with expressing it and I still have work to do in this for myself . I am still uncomfortable with being the one who is unpopular because they speak about things that other people don’t want to deal with. The more we let go of past emotional events and the less emotion is in there to vent and ideally we can keep clearing it so we don’t have volcanic eruptions.

Today I am sharing a story with you about my journey as a therapist with the intention of illustrating the difference between what we call intelligence and heart wisdom which is what today is about and it’s also a portal day so a super gateway to allow time to be transcended. and create a huge shift. From what I understand of the nature of our universe this is how we evolve….through each of our own personal evolutionary journeys weaving together.

In our society we have such a high regard for intelligence as a sign of elitism. We measure a person’s ability with how many exams they can pass and what grades and so many people are excluded because they do not fit this box. Today in our society children who are classed as having behavioural or learning difficulties are seen as deficient and often a problem in some way as they don’t fit the norm and are labelled accordingly. In over 40 years the way the majority of our educational systems work with these out of the box children hasn’t changed …..not the ones I have seen.

Don’t you find that amazing? That in 40 years we haven’t evolved in this area? This is a passion of mine.

How much of your childhood education has been of any real practical use to you as an adult?

When we look closer at our educational system in the UK we can see how it was a duality system for the working classes and elite and birthed. For the former shaped to create a holding space for children so their parents could work on many levels. The subjects were ( and still are in many ways) chosen for the industry in the locality and how their workforce would need certain skills. A sausage factory of Pink Floyd The Wall ilk. I have watched this film many many times with a good friend who certainly had ( and still has ) a wild child very well developed side.

Many people today are still very ignorant as to how this system has no individual free spirit ethos. It isn’t there to create self-empowerment, learning about relationships, how to handle life and how to focus on self esteem in our young people….indeed the opposite is true. We aren’t often privvy to what is driving  the powers that be and their curriculum and sometimes we are so used to being led that we don’t think to ask or challenge …..

When we raise our heads above the parapet we are often humiliated and criticised….what do we know? Poke at the illusion bubble and risk the Wrath of the mask wearer.

Every child knows the simple truth of love or fear because it is an innate knowingness that is often worn over time on the way to adulthood and then can be reclaimed.

Imagine an alternative where young people learned how to do what they loved and about their star seeded mission. How to follow their internal emotional sat nav to live authentically and create new foundations. Instead of one size fits all and you have to be a square peg in a round hole.

In ancient times we had mystery schools teaching of sacred geometry and the building blocks of our universe. We had initiate training for the soul journey to assist our planetary evolution and all of these structures were evident because it was the perfect time for that to happen…..just as now it’s the perfect time for it to return. It is all there magically in waiting for us to energetically match it and so awaken . We have the keys to turn the mechanism and breathe life into the form.

Now is the time for us to reconnect to who we really are so we can live from our heart place and let go of feeding a system that simply perpetuates slavery to the ego.

We are all equal under the sun no matter how unequal people’s distribution of wealth may seem.

Many coaches focus on finance as the way to go because that is a model of excellence and supposed emancipation….I have yet to meet a financially wealthy person who is happy more than not and living an authentic life and although I have never reached the dizzy heights of fame or what is known as financial security ….in my short life I really understood very early on that money cannot buy you anything truly worthwhile because it is an ego created mechanism and as such a manipulation.

We have so many written words, songs, scriptures and gurus from the past teaching us of this and yet how many of us are actually walking the talk of it?

So back to the story of my learning as a therapist. In previous blogs I have shared how I started out wanting to focus on psychotherapy and very quickly realising that although this can give understanding it is only a piece of the puzzle. I added NLP to my tool box that gave further understanding and more techniques….and there came lots of ecology questions for me with using those powerful strategies. If I have ecology questions I find myself going round in circles without a way forward until I can resolve them. Here I learned EFT ( tapping) and this started to show a way forward.

As a fire sign and a blue solar hand in the Mayan calendar my energy is about transformation. Talking therapies for me have to have an outcome to work towards that creates change. This is my energy blueprint and my gift. Simply talking in an unfocused way isn’t my domain.

The teachers I chose were heaven sent to show me their personal techniques of using EFT and again this is where heart wisdom reveals itself . We can all learn the same technique and we will all use it differently because of our starcode and our life mission so if you have ever ruled out a system because of an individual’s methodology  I urge you to seek and be persistent with finding a person who has a different delivery of it because they are out there. To take responsibility for our own learning is the Aquarius way.

In the past I have had many teacher’s who did not meet my expectations in their delivery of course content and as a child I quit some courses and dropped out of sixth form. Revisiting that space as a mature student  I did not limit my learning because of my teachers approach. I love what I learn and so it is easy to learn it and this is the difference that makes the difference. I decide my outcome in life through my actions and attitudes and one of my strengths is persistence. Sometimes life doesn’t match my desires and it often delivers something I wasn’t expecting…my outcome  in life is to open my heart and share that process so I always move in that direction even though it is often going back to go forwards.

 

When we have our training as a therapist most schools insist on doing personal introspection and discovery first because it is key that we know how this process works so we can share it. Many courses today skip that and state that isn’t necessary. This is especially evident with Alpha male pattern NLP schools. They like to sell a course  to completion in a couple of weeks with no or little work on the person first and if we look at the bigger picture of that we can see what a nonsense it is. If a person has no life experience then they simply haven’t lived long enough to transform intelligence into the next stage of integration through experiencing it on a daily basis in a practical way. If they haven’t ever had relationships of a therapeutic nature with people and learned about person centred approach and empathy then how will they pass that knowledge on? Most people I know who have done this are simply looking for a short cut and to manipulate others and have zero awareness of their own patterns. They actually don’t care about other people and don’t want to hear any content because it is boring to them. They simply want to “fix” the other person that is pushing their buttons and feel powerful and they are great teachers in this process….only not about what they think they are teaching….

Most people I have met who have been on these types of courses have lots of parlour tricks to play with people and very little interest in how that can deeply affect the person they are practising their newly learned trickery on. I know in the bigger picture we can say that is the law of karma in action….and if we are to create changes in this then this way of being is not of love and respect or any form of wisdom and maturity system I choose.

When we have done a good delve into our inner work ~ and this I believe is a lifelong peeling of the onion skin process ~ then we can start to work with other people. All the perfect people show up so we can both evolve as we are always an energetic match in some way. This is a true win win when this happens and a beautiful process.

I had one client for over a year on a very regular basis and each time they challenged me. I learned so much from this relationship and as I offered person centred therapy and believed strongly in it , I always let them lead as to the outcome they wanted. Over time I noticed that whatever we supposedly solved in an intellectual sense using a coaching solution based framework, always popped up somewhere else in a different form. This person had tried lots of therapies and lots of coaches and money wasn’t an issue. They made it part of their life. Whenever I made a suggestion that came close to childhood issues they wouldn’t go there. I always give homework to my clients to integrate their experience and minimise any dependency and transference and yet this wasn’t done by them. Whatever frameworks and boundaries I raised around sessions was always breached or pushed and my intuitive offerings overridden.

This person had been on so many courses and had so many certificates and could trot off so many trite positivity intellectualisms at workshops and yet nothing was changing because although we tapped they weren’t allowing their feelings to come up and part of their ego defence mechanism was to create a diversion whenever we came close to the wound.

Despite so many sessions and so many solutions their behaviour wasn’t changing because it wasn’t the right time for them to go there…..and it may never be because there is so much fear blocking the heart opening process. That is their choice and none of my business. What is my business is how I choose to work as a therapist. Eventually I ended the relationship because I wasn’t allowed to be me and so was delivering my energetic intervention in a straight jacket that I allowed. No matter what my relationship is with someone I have to be me. I cannot be someone else’s fix in an out of balanced way. That is co-dependency .There are so many misunderstandings in these areas and no matter how I tried to explain it they couldn’t understand it because to them I was a business service and I was paid for them to use in what way they chose. As we got nearer to the core of their wound their behaviour around any boundaries I was setting became more resistant and in the end I would not allow them to attend a weekend retreat because I knew the impact their behaviour would have on other people in the group….and that wasn’t an outcome I wanted for my retreat. It was sad for me because so much of our relationship was inspirational and it had to end because I was ready to create new circles for me and they weren’t willing to face their fears and let go of control to go into them.

As I have raised my self esteem and confidence I have raised my boundaries too and for me this is about being discerning and seeing people’s patterns through their behaviour….trusting my instincts and wherever possible being open without judging. This comes with experience and the more we release our ego stuff the more we can see clearly.

In Glastonbury this is essential as it is the Heart Chakra of the planet and so the ego stage.

Many people behave as if it is the Crown chakra and become a godly saint archetype. It’s the perfect place to see that being acted out . Many people become something here to enable their ego to perform and forget or try to hide their humanity in the process…..it is so clear to see though through a discerning eye. No one is perfect/happy/saintly all the time and somehow if you act any other way …..authentically revealing a shadow emotion…..then you have fallen from grace.

One of the key learnings for me with EFT was my first teacher Gwyneth Moss and her sharing of our inner dog in our training weekend. Our emotional Mind. This was a major aha moment and really shaped the way I used EFT. Gratitude to you Gwyneth. It has been the foundation of my understanding and pivotal in how I work with myself and everyone else. The emotional mind is a pattern matcher and I have an in-depth pdf about it here.

Our emotional mind does not do intellectual logic. It isn’t rational. It simply wants to avoid pain and bring pleasure ~ hence our addictions. Like a child it doesn’t understand how eating lots of processed sugar every day leads to no teeth and diabetes if unchecked. It doesn’t care if our alcohol intake leads to liver failure or inappropriate behaviour. It is purely concerned with getting it’s fix in whatever way it can so we don’t feel unhappy and it learns this very early on in life. Whatever was used as a sugary pacifier, in a mind, body spirit way, in our childhood is plugged in to our way of living and unless we rewire that pattern it simply expands.

The more we rely on intellectual solutions instead of getting our emotional needs met and the more our emotional need grows and the more we need our fix.

Tapping works by combining mind, body and spirit. It can be used in many ways with content, without content, with or without emotion, with pictures, with art, drawing a line on a piece of paper, watching a film, in your car, in a meeting, in labour….it’s limitless you choose.

Any age,  literally anything even appliances, animals, surrogates, with reiki, with massage…..it’s universal because it is simply energy and  ancient wisdom. It allows us to let go instantly if we are ready…..

Our heart knows our path. Our heart knows if we are on it. Our heart doesn’t need all the intellect to know love because it feels love. Our society loves mind and it has become the primary focus often as an avoidance of pain…… living a life so far removed from who we are.

We are always attracted to rebels, wild child people, the bad boys, rude girls who entrance us with their audacity and derring do. Our desires rarely run to fantasising about the domesticated nice person who is safe and always accommodating and if we have created a life without challenges and colour we are undernourished in our beige haze.

This is where the addictions surface.

So instead of being Stepford wives we can be the imperfect human beings we really are and love ourselves and then we let go of any need to do alter ego behaviours that cause our bodies pain or hurt ourselves and other people physically or emotionally.

Here is a video you can use if you choose to start to tap and create your own scripts. If you don’t find this appeals there are lots more people out there who do it so simply google or go on youtube and explore the world of tapping. It is amazing how quickly we can create wellbeing and peace with this every day for ourselves….who cares if it looks unusual? If it works and there are no side effects what is there to lose except our fear

and……it is free for each of us to do it ourselves.

The EFT community offers so many free resources.

Love to you and your beautiful wild child self.

In the words of The Doors ~ Wild Child full of grace saviour of the human race.

Please try EFT for yourself if you haven’ already…..and share it. If everyone uses EFT each day instead of addictions our world will change. If you are using a pure mind system for letting go of an addiction please consider bringing in your emotions because they are a key part of the process. It’s time to let go of scapegoating and blaming alcohol or drugs for causing destruction in our society ….it’s people who do that with their behaviour and it simply stems from lack of love and understanding.

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