Red Moon Wavespell

Day 11

Blue Cosmic Storm

Planet is Pluto

Number is 19

Master Number of catalytic initiation

of healing

Let it all go

Melt the ice and thaw

Life before tapping ~ EFT ~ emotional intelligence

what did I do then?

When I think about my life before I started learning about my emotional self

it was very up and down

I am a very emotional person

I feel deeply

I am shy and sensitive and I do care what people think about me and happily I am becoming more discerning and understanding of how this works in relationship

with or without my involvement in different ways

When I was in my youth I took support systems to relax

and let me be something other than

the shy

insecure

person I really was

I wanted to connect to other people

when I was simply me

without any “apps”

I found that difficult

when I had something to release this

I became the opposite

and that wasn’t a happy medium either

and thank Goddess there was no FB then

eek ….

Me and my beach bar boss in Crete in the 80’s

When I spent time in Crete I learned to become more assertive and stand up for myself

I learned to shout back

even though I didn’t really understand the culture

I learned to be more of the mediterranean relationship model

passionate emotional displays…

friends again straight away…

far more honest free flowing emotions in some ways

more in my masculine and I found this was respected too

by the local people I was engaged with because I was mirroring them

I also found great freedom

as to begin with I didn’t understand the language

so didn’t get drawn in to every circle

Most of the time though I was not straight or sober

or celibate

and reading my diary from then really reveals that chaotic place of my inner world

As I grew older and became a parent my world completely changed and I am really tuning in to this today because this time of year is close to when that happened

Initiated into New beginnings in Aries

Carrying all my past around every day became more and more difficult

There were unexplainable times of rage and frustration

that didn’t match the circumstances

disproportionate

I couldn’t cry in front of others

I would sob my heart out when alone

I felt bad about myself and my life

I felt

guilty

ashamed

embarrassed and under pressure even more

wanting to be a good mother

Most of my time as a mother I wasn’t coping on the inside

putting a brace face on the outside

I was afraid

I was tense

I was scared of messing up and for most of the day I was alone with this insecurity

sometimes it was unbearable

somehow I had got myself into being a “grown~up” with huge responsibility

and yet I was still a child inside

What to do?

I started learning about psychology as soon as I had my son

I wanted to learn about child development so I had some sort of clue

as I never planned to become a parent

When I was pregnant for the first time

I was amazed about this new world

I hadn’t got a clue about any of the process

or how I would feel

Most of the time I felt so different from any other time in my life

In some ways I was convinced that my life wouldn’t change…

denial 😉

I was totally un prepared for the strength of my feelings

for this miracle that had been created inside of me

and

how generally this was taken for granted in our world

this absolute miracle

this feeling of limitless

unconditional love

I felt

for this little person

It was my first step around truly focusing on me and my body

and nurturing myself

I gave myself permission to do that during my first pregnancy

Afternoon naps

lovely baths

being quiet and still

eating for pleasure

feeling sacred and amazing that this was happening to me

becoming very aware of how my body felt

and the butterfly feeling

the new life growing inside me

I didn’t think too deeply about the birth beyond the birth plan

because in truth I was terrified

My first birth was highly managed and not what I wanted

and there were fab bits in there too

and deeply scary parts like my body doing it’s own thing completely separate from my mind

deeply angry parts with uncaring people and loving very caring people

it repeated a pattern in similarities to my birth

and revealed a bigger picture to me

Our birth into this world initiates our code

It is key to everything

and if you can find out about yours

this can explain lots of things

as to how you create

I have done lots of healing on this

both for my own birth and the birth of my children

and was amazed at what had created wounding for me

It wasn’t what I thought most of the time

It also linked to lots of other threads in my life

that had the same pattern of wounding

Once I started this process for myself

everything changed in my understanding of my world

and because of that

my understanding of the world

Many people focus on healing to create a perfection model

with an outcome that everything is good

and I offer that sometimes everything is not good

sometimes things are hard

sometimes things are a struggle

and this is the key

to personal healing and freedom

(yes everything has a reason

and all is love and that is a different aspect)

acceptance of this

acceptance that this

event

person

relationship

was so far off

“Disney model”

and it plunged us into despair

whilst the human being is conditioned to believe

there is a Utopian world to strive for

It will always be out of reach

The key start is to accept what is

and accept that if we do not accept

We suffer

and sometimes we have to suffer

to understand that

to know what suffering is

With this Utopian model

shadow is not allowed

shadow behaviour is not allowed

and shadow emotions are to be excluded in public displays

Instead of coming to terms with all our emotions

through coming to terms with all of our emotional events

feeling safe about them

at peace with them

understanding them in some way

and seeing them differently because of that process

feeling those feelings that are filling us up

human beings demonise and project them onto others

and do not evolve because of that

the feelings and patterns are pushed away to arm’s length

and rejected

in the same way the original event

caused feelings of rejection

and to heal

these feelings and patterns

seek to be embraced and brought in to centre

to be felt at last

heard

honoured

and given house room

with permission to come out of the closet

and owned as a part of our inner family

Every single person shares this

every single person has fears about themselves

every single person has messed up

every single person has struggles with life

that is why we are here

to learn about that

human being process

Talking to another can help

talking to oneself every day with the intention of being present

taking the time to put oneself first

to listen to the anxieties

the worries

the thoughts that are niggling

is key to the process of transformation

letting this side out

and gradually getting used to this part of oneself

having a conversation

and then working with that which is coming up

to heal

is an amazing process

get’s easier

becomes a healthy habit

and when we add in tapping

it creates a reality ritual

that is truly magical

and lets go of old worlds

so we can birth new ones

To begin with there may be huge emotion

that feels like a storm

like a tidal wave

like a hurricane

Can feel overwhelming

Can feel like the birthing process

and our ego will feel afraid

because it is programmed to avoid this emotional outburst

once the ego starts to become familiar with it

and realises that

actually the individual does not die as a result

actually becomes happier

more stable

feels deeper joy

feels safe in the skin the human being is in

and sees what comes as a result of this process is truly amazing

just like the film I mentioned yesterday ~The Giver

Life becomes intensely felt and lived from the heart embracing all

and recognising that all is valid

and all is a necessary part of the experience and why the spirit is here in partnership

with the human being

Pic by Susan Seddon Boulet

Using a shamanic framework

this is known as soul retrieval

All frameworks work in some way as all have the same core intent

to heal the heart

the mind doesn’t need healing 😉

the mind does not feel

the mind creates frameworks as a result of the heart’s state of grace

This is why it is time

for the emotional evolution

and the time to shift the focus from the ego led head

to the heart and bring balance to the individual

and as a result the world

Focus on heal to feel

and as a process

the individual stops living in the head

to avoid being in the body

and feels safe to feel

to be still with oneself

and the inner dialogue

and allows it

and embraces it

and aligns

brings the inner storm out raindrop by raindrop

lets the clouds reveal the moodiness

lets the 50 shades of grey talk away

let’s the mood be felt

lets the sun be revealed

and from this clear place

the solution to the issue is revealed

next step becomes clear

from this clear channel to our consciousness

This is the process of enlightenment

Aries New Moon energy for New Beginnings which is connected to the start of the next 260 day cycle

ARIES 6
An aquamarine in a woman’s navel.
Sensuous pleasure, powerful passions. Body wisdom. Impulses and instincts, desires and cravings, and the festive celebration of being alive here now. You are marvelously enraptured with the senses–energetic, vital, enthusiastic, on fire. Direct and straight on. Candid and willing to release into what arises. Impressionable, suggestible, youthful. In touch and in tune with what wants to happen here, your gut conviction is fiercely strong. You feel driven to be yourself and by the need to engage with the other completely. You are the one who stands out, who makes a point of it, who is unashamed.

This is the way we all come in

this is our commonality

our belly button

We are all loved and held by the universe

We all matter

We are all divine beings

Every blade of grass is sacred